Have you ever wondered why you keep running into the same problems over and over again? This blog post is going to be honest. Pretty much like all my others. Lolz. Here are my current Sunday Reflections on accountability. It’s been a while since I’ve done a Sunday Reflections, click here to read the last one – then come back. Please.
Where is the accountability?
I know I harp on about the word ‘accountability’ all the time but I can’t help it.
the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility.
People are so afraid to fail and accept accountability; they’d rather live in complete denial blaming everyone and everything for their shortcomings.
Me: Excuse me, human, could it possibly be your own doing that you’re in the position you are in?
Human: Absolutely not, society has told me that I can be anything and that I am so special. I can do no wrong. I am simply misunderstood.
No, you’re probably in the wrong and need to get your head out of your own ass. I’ve been LOVING “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, it’s the insight I’ve been lacking. I never breeze through ‘self-help’ material, I take my time absorbing a couple pages at a time and take notes throughout. Mark Manson talks about how we’re not that special and I think the world desperately needs to hear it. By calling yourself special and misunderstood you’re prying open a dangerous can of worms. You’re using it as the crutch to excuse your (lack of) accountability and behaviour.
“The world is the one who is wrong because it couldn’t be me because I’m a unique individual and no one understands me.”
Now can you imagine if an entire generation had that mindset? We’d be in so much shit… Oh, wait. Without the ability to look inward to solve your problems – how will we ever grow into functioning adults?
The problem with zero accountability
You look outward and immediately put blame on others when it’s not often warranted. ‘They don’t accept me’ or ‘they don’t know how to handle my level of sensitivity’ is just a nightmare waiting to happen. We cannot expect the world to have the time and patience to deal with our ‘special flaws’. Life doesn’t cater to you and owes us absolutely nothing. If I’m having a bad day I can’t expect the world to understand and act accordingly. I need to be accountable for my mood and I need to put in the effort to change it.
Yup, it is your fault
I have had some of the biggest epiphanies of my life in the last 12 months and it’s opened my eyes to HOW MUCH is my fault. Looking back at my journal entries, I can tell I was in complete denial as to how much was my own doing. The constant ‘the world makes me angry because it’s mean to me’ has changed to ‘pull yourself together and claim ownership of your shortcomings, Lamb.’
‘The world is against me’ was a recurring theme that now makes me chuckle. The world has never been against me – it doesn’t give a fuck about me so sort your own shit out.
An example of HOW it’s my fault
Why I’ve never felt ‘at home’
I’ve never felt settled and have always rationalized that it was because I hadn’t found my ‘home’. It’s taken me YEARS to realize that I’ve never felt at ‘home’ ANYWHERE so what kind of feeling am I actually looking for? I don’t know what that feels like but it’s been in my power to feel settled the entire time by simply changing my mindset. It’s been a slow process but I now realize that the feeling of being unsettled was completely my fault and I take ownership of that. Taking ownership of your faults is an incredibly empowering feeling – it takes the power back from fear.
Why I’ve been single for so long
When it comes to relationships with my preferred sex, I’ve been in this mindset that there is no one out there for me. After peeling back the layers, I’ve taken the blame back and realized that I simply don’t want a relationship right now. That’s because I’m in a selfish phase that I was too sheepish to admit to. Instead of being like ‘Lamb, you’re being a selfish princess and there is no way you could possibly give someone else the required energy’ I put blame on the world and that there were no men I could possibly EVER date. There is nothing wrong with the men that are available (ok, that’s a lie but there are some good ones – I’ve met one or two of them) it’s because I’m too selfish and can’t see them as partners.
Why I haven’t achieved my goals
The simple answer is that I haven’t worked hard enough for them. I wanted to get more views on my blog and I knew what to do (post more for SEO purposes and to garner a more consistence audience) but I never did it because I was lazy. I blamed everything from ‘no good workspace’ to ‘no creative energy’ for my lack of enthusiasm. Shut up, Lamb. You wanted to Netflix and sleep rather than put in the work. I wrote consistently for two months and my readers quadrupled. The world wasn’t holding me back; I was just being useless.
We need to start saying ‘my bad’ more and realizing that we’re incredibly flawed. Owning your flaws is a step towards accepting yourself for who you truly are versus this made up version of perfection we’ve created while daydreaming.
We’re not perfect; we’re average at best and that’s OK.
We’re a work in progress and that’s OK.
I hope you enjoyed my Sunday Reflection on accountability, I’m glad I typed this one out rather than abuse my journal for an hour.